Tuesday 18 August 2009

Fantasy Pub Week! 2: People

It’s the people that make a pub, right? Sure the beer helps but the soul of the place is set up by the people who drink there and the people who work there. This is not to be underestimated. You need a landlord, you need a barman/maid and you need regulars. And remember, as it’s a fantasy list they can be real or fictional, famous or not, dead or alive, or just choose your mates. The way I see it, the landlord is someone to chat to at the bar about anything and everything, the barmaid is a piece of ass and the regulars each have their own special qualities.

A few regulars, up to you how many

My Choices…
Landlord: Stephen King (I bet he’s great to chat to about sport and movies and books and life, although I’m not sure if he drinks now, but that’s okay)
Barmaid(s): I’m going for two because it’s unfair to make them work all the time – Sienna Miller and Cheryl Cole
Regulars: Lauren and my best mates and drinking buddies (all of them), some beer writers/bloggers following the GBBF fun, then Marilyn Monroe, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, Barack Obama, Will Smith and maybe some historical figures like Plato and Julius Caesar. That should do it and that should be a lot of fun.


  1. Landlord i would go for sir rannulph finnes, i reckon he would be a right laugh and always have a story to tell.

    Barmaids your two would have to work on job share at my place, along with gemma arterton and jennifer anniston.

    Regulars Friends and family along with the beer gang on twitter then people like andy kirkpatrick, alan hinkes, chris bonnington and anyone who likes a nice long walk followed by a few ales. Oh and maybe a few comedians to keep everyone cheered up after a bad day at work

  2. Landloard I think stephen Fry would make a good landlord, but then it might be a gay bar so... James May perhaps? He likes his beer.

    Barmaids Myleen Class and for the old school value carol vorderman (see can help with the cashing up too).

    Regulars As long as you are frendly and will have a good chat at the bar, anyone. At least one old man with a dog who drinks bitter though.

  3. Landlord/Brewer me that’s the dream

    Bar Staff Fun Interesting and well travelled

    Regulars defiantly the twitter regulars and the beery types I met at gbbf. I’d like to see people from all walks of life coming to enjoy the beer and I forgot to mention the bowling green out back my bowling team will be there for matches and to celebrate wins. Of course my family and friends especially the ones I’ve lost touch with over years.

  4. Landlord who could be better than Stephen Fry?!

    Barmaids I'd go weak at the knees for Lucy Porter (funny, good looking, surely perfect as a fiesty barmaid?) and any of Girls Aloud.

    Regulars Kevin McCloud so I could convince him to build my Grand Design (I want the house not the hassle!), Jose Mourinho as pub football/darts team manager, Jeremy Paxman as the pub quiz master and Alan Davies (so that I wouldn't come last in the quiz!)

    The perfect pub would also be made up of beer lovers for beer talk and tasting, the Real Ale Reviews team, uni mates, @SamLanes for chats about music, photography, general geeky stuff and LUFC! Not to mention my brother and my Dad to watch the footy with!

  5. Landlord - Me. It's the one thing in this fantasy pub that could conceivably happen.

    Barmaids - The duo of Monica Bellucci and Emmanuelle Chriqui. Something everyone can enjoy and I won't even care if the pub makes a dime.

    Regulars - Terry Gilliam, Stephen Fry, Stephen Colbert, Robert De Niro, Martin Scorsese and Abe Vigoda (Because there is always a regular older than the pub itself.)

  6. Some great and varied choices so far... interesting to see what everyone imagines as their ideal place!

    We all want some other beer lovers around which I think is testament to the beer community in general and how sociable and friendly the whole group is! Go Beer!

    I'm still thinking about my own choice of regulars... the list would change daily. To be honest, as long as mates are there plus a couple of the interesting celebrities then I'd be happy.

    Now I just need to finalise what's on the handpumps as that comes tomorrow...

  7. Landlord: Billy Connolly - he would be hilarious and constantly entertaining.

    Barmaids: I will continue with the 2 theme and opt for Scarlett Johannson and Felicity Kendall in her prime.

    Regulars: my mates from Prague, the Liverpool players from about 1981 - 1991, Phil Tufnell, Nick Hornby, Neil Gaiman and Jesus (would be useful if the pumps run dry).

  8. Righto,

    Landlord: John Peel, an utter, utter legend (would have an awesome jukebox too)

    Barmaids: I'll take Audrey Tatou and Anne Hathaway please.

    Regulars: All my mates and the beer people I have met over the last year or so. Douglas Adams, Sebastian Faulks, Heston Blumenthal (he can also make sandwiches when anyone gets hungry), Mary and Louis Leakey, Jason Leonard, John Martyn and Ollie Read (proper boozers).

    Can I also suggest another category?

    House Band: The Who circa 1971 please.

  9. Velkyal, I'd like a pint poured by Scarlett Johanson, that's for sure. And I was very close to making the exact same Jesus joke :)

    Pete, good choices. Hold the food and music thought - they are coming up on Friday!!

  10. Landlord: Michael Jackson. *The* MJ, not the singer. Or maybe Garrett from The Bull at Horton Kirby ;-)

    Behind the bar: Louise Brooks. Beautifully and intelligent. Plus a handsome and intelligent male equivalent for the ladies.

    Regulars: Since every pub needs its bar room philosophers, it'd be nice to have some real philosophers propping up the bar. A couple of the Greeks, Nietzsche (not Kirkegaarde - too gloomy), Bertrand Russell and Wittgenstein.

    For the resident 'difficult' loudmouth customer, I'd choose Jeremy Clarkson. If he got too annoying, you could always stick him in the corner to argue the toss about the merits of the latest Italian supercar with Nietzsche.

    Taken your nearest and dearest as a given, a random selection of potentially interesting other regulars might include: Iain (M.) Banks, as he enjoys his beer and is a jolly decent chap, Alan Alda, Sir Arthur C. Clarke, Carl Sagan, William Gibson, Terry Gilliam, Christopher Marlowe (rather than Shakespeare), the Romantic poets, Bach or Mozart to tinkle the ivories and Winston Churchill to sit at the bar reminiscing about the war. Oh, and Tony Blair and Maggie Thatcher (in pre-mad bat incarnation) to argue politics with. Can't stand either of 'em, but it would be good to put them straight on certain matters.

    Hmm, this is all a bit blokey. Definitely need more women to redress the balance.

    Peter: good call on John Peel and Douglas Adams (and Audrey Tatou!).

    Velky Al: definite thumbs-up for Neil Gaiman. Perhaps he could do some story readings?

  11. the barmaid is a piece of ass!!!???? oh joyce will be pleased! ;-)

  12. AndrewS,

    Imagine Gaiman's weird world after several pints! Would be magnificent.

  13. Andrew, Michael Jackson was on my list too - I never met him but I would've loved to hear him speak about beer. Great chocie of people - having the Romantic poets in one corner would be fun, especially if Clarkson got a bit larey! And Audrey Tautou could come to my pub anytime, although I'd be quite happy playing Amelie or A Very Long Engagement over and over.

    Garrett, why do you think I like coming to The Bull so much?! ;)