Sunday 14 June 2009

Ode to Stella

A mistress. She is everywhere. You shouldn’t but sometimes you just can’t help yourself. You certainly don’t want to get caught doing it though. Especially not around these parts. But forget that. Forget right and wrong. Forget the waxed lyricism. Forget the rare bottles, the hyped-up stuff, the big names. Forget everything. Beer goes deeper than that. Beer is simpler than that. There’s nothing else like it. Nothing hits the spot like a beer. And sometimes a pint of lager is exactly what’s needed. You don’t have to taste it. You don’t have to think about it. You just drink it. And beer’s for drinking. It’s golden, it’s cold, the sun is hot, it quenches like a dip in the pool, it chills like a cool breeze. A pint of lager please. I feel naughty for ordering it. Having a second one is completely outrageous. By the third I’m thrill-seeking. The fourth is the default choice: I’m in now. The sun is going down, it’s warm, my skin is zinging, my friends are smiling and so am I as I sit here glowing with the effects of my summer mistress. Our affair is out in the open. Her name is Stella.

FYI: I usually choose Kronenbourg but it just didn’t have the same ring as Stella when I was writing this! And a quick edit: I NEVER drink Stella. I can't stand the stuff! In this post 'Stella' stands as the symbol and figure of lager-pop.

14 comments:

  1. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Did the pub not have any tap water?

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  2. I'm not a fan of Stella, i'll have the odd Kronenbourg though.

    How was your head this morning? I felt awful.

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  3. Stella? Good grief chap, next you'll be telling us you have even drunk wine recently!

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  4. I've just updated the post because I didn't make it clear that I DON'T ever actually drink Stella! I use the name Stella to stand for lager in general.

    Pete, I felt okay this morning, but then you carried on after I left and you had to get up early!

    Andrew, I had a nice glass of Lambrusco Light recently ;)

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  5. Pilsner Urquell, absolutely. Desperados, pushing it a bit but OK, we'll let it slide. But STELLA? Utter contempt!

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  6. Mark, you need to push aside your prejudices and enjoy the occational lager. The blog world is too heavily populated with real ale fan-boys who would rather drink warm vinegar as it's proper, to refeshing oneself with a nice cold lager.

    If lager is so bad, then why does it sell so well at premium prices?

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  7. I'm backing The Doctor on this one. Nothing wrong with Stella, especially the stuff brewed in Leuven. Is it something that will enable you to have an emotional experience? Probably not, but it's a table beer, aka basic, continental lager.

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  8. There's absolutely nothing wrong with proper lager. Sadly you have to go to some effort to get an acceptable one as most sold in this country are pretty nasty. I'd rather drink decent beer whatever its fermentation and conditioning regime than get involved in another ridiculous lager v. ale argument.

    There's plenty wrong with Stella. It's foul stuff.

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  9. I'm all for lager. I do drink it and I'd rather have a crap pint of lager than a crap pint of ale - a crap pint of ale can be utterly undrinkable. This post is all about the glories of a good lager and tries to take in some of the prejudices as well.

    As for Stella, I stand by what I say: I can't stand the stuff. Kronenbourg is the lager I choose.

    Tim, lager sells so well at premium prices because that's what the majority know of as 'beer'. It's a pint of lager and that costs £3. It's the reverse that sees beer geeks paying £5 for a rare bottle of 10% stuff.

    This is not an ale vs. lager debate. Beer is beer and it's all for drinking and enjoying!

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  10. So what is actually wrong with Belgian brewed Stella?? The whole "wife beater" thing is a joke. You want "wife beater?" Come to the West Coast and drink 5 pints of any of the popular IPA's and tell me it doesn't make one lose their inhibitions for violence. Attaching the term "wife beater" to a beer with a 5.2% abv. is retarded. I really wish you beer geeks would just fuck off and leave your goofy opinions at your regional CAMRA meetings. Your opinion is as subjective as anyone elses, which means it's worth fuck all.

    Sorry about that rant Liam. Sometimes you just have to put your foot in someone's arse.

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  11. I agree. Now it is a bit of a guilty pleasure but when I was younger I used to drink gallons of the stuff. I even named our family cat after it. Seriously.

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  12. This is a brave post! It epitomizes one of the things I love about your blog-- you are not afraid of articulating how beer makes us *feel*, which is after all, a big reason why we drink it.

    I really dislike Stella, too, though I will confess to giving it multiple chances! Only Bud is worse!

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  13. Thanks IM :) I'm trying to work on the whole 'the way beer makes us feel' thing. It's very important to drinking!

    Stella or Bud... tough one! If it's bottled then I'd probably go for Bud :O

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  14. B****y Hell, I was genuinely worried for you; for a moment the until I read your comment at the bottom!!

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