I am punching myself in the face.
After last week’s post about Tesco’s in-store beer marketing, there’s more this week, again sent over by Rob Marshall. This time it’s for dark beer. I’ll copy verbatim again:
Typically perceived as darker, more intense, fuller bodied, complex and challenging flavours.
i.e. porters, stouts and mild’s.
The beers pictured are Old Peculiar, Black Sheep and Directors.
I’m now punching myself in the face with both fists.
I’m just incredulous that it could get through to the shop floor. I didn’t rip last week’s apart but this one is getting the full treatment.
1. It doesn’t make sense. Literally no sense. Read it again: Typically perceived as darker, more intense, fuller bodied, complex and challenging flavours. How can anyone think that that makes sense, whether you know the content or not?
2. It’s very poorly written. It’s not a sentence. And what the hell is that i.e. doing there?
3. It’s milds, not mild’s. I have no idea how that wasn’t picked up by someone?! Fair enough if you don’t know about beer but at least have someone check the copy for errors.
4. ‘Typically perceived as darker…’ it’s dark fucking beer. That’s what the title says. It’s actually dark, not just perceived as it. And what does dark taste like?
5. ‘…more intense, fuller bodied, complex and challenging flavours.’ Are they trying to sell it or scare people away?! Intense and challenging are not good tasting notes for someone who has never tasted dark beer before.
6. Here’s a picture of Black Sheep (it's from Real Ale Reviews. Also check out Black Sheep's website image).
Guess what? Black Sheep and Directors AREN’T DARK BEERS. They are darker than your lager but they aren’t dark. (Old Peculier is dark. Well done).
But wait. There's more. Here's three other images of their in-store promotion. I'm now typing this with the toes on my left foot as I knee myself in the chin with my right leg.
Speciality beers which are creamy, refreshing and warm. The fruity and exotic beers are 'typically unusual'. The 'fuller flavour' beers include three of the blandest beers on the market and they are described as malty, spicy or slightly fruity. What does that even mean?!
You wouldn’t see Tesco labelling a rose wine as a red wine; you wouldn't see any error like this in the wine aisle. Or describe it as ‘challenging’ to drink. They are poorly put together, badly written, they don't make sense and they don't do beer any favours at all. There are many beer experts in the UK who would gladly help Tesco put together promotional materials. They will explain products to the marketing team. They’ll write it. They’ll copy read proofs for glaring, stupid errors. Why don’t they make use of people who know what they are doing? Why don't they take the beer promotion seriously? Below is last week's image again to complete the set. Well done Britain's biggest retailer...