There are terrible rumours going around that I am not a proper, hardcore beer geek and they are malicious because, despite what some are saying, I am a proper, hardcore beer geek.
I’ve got more beer glasses that I have hot meals in a month; I’ve got a stack of beer books that’s taller than I am; I write notes on every beer I drink, most of them really poncy like ‘oh it’s got a delicious fruity quality and wonderful balance of nutty sweetness, with – oh that’s it – just the most delightful and delicate hints of elderflower’; I buy beers to be able drink them in 2-10 years time and I pay stupid amounts of money for the privilege; my fridge and my flat are filled with random bottles of beer from all over the world, some oak-aged, some whisky-barrel-aged, some with coffee in, some sour beers, some with killer levels of hops in, and some are so flipping rare they don’t even have labels!; I read ratebeer and beeradvocate forums every single day, usually more than once; and I write a bloody beer blog, you don’t get much geekier than that. So hearing that I’m not a hardcore beer geek is hurtful.
These rumours started in Burton. One rumour is that I drank a bottle of Desperados. Well, listen here, Desperados is like the quintessential craft beer: a 5.9% pale beer, extreme ingredient added (in this case it’s tequila), snappy and fun marketing aimed at the yoof, the appeal of serving it with a slice of lime. Hello – that sounds like half of the craft beers in the world and everyone needs a USP, whether it’s barrel-aging, fruit, chilli, tequila and lime, or whatever. Come on. The other rumour is that I drank C2, a low-alcohol incarnation of a popular brand known as ‘Carling’. Well guess what? I poured it out into a snifter. Hello – a bloody snifter! It was a really nice crystal one too and everyone knows that if you drink beer out of a snifter then you are a beer geek. Come on. The rumour-spreading losers are only jealous because they ordered some crappy cask ale and it wasn’t as delicious as my bottle of Desperados.
I am a proper, hardcore beer geek and I will bitch fight anyone who says otherwise. Plus, obviously, Desperados is the best beer in the whole, wide world.