Tuesday 18 May 2010

Spiteful rumours that I’m not a proper, hardcore beer geek

There are terrible rumours going around that I am not a proper, hardcore beer geek and they are malicious because, despite what some are saying, I am a proper, hardcore beer geek.

I’ve got more beer glasses that I have hot meals in a month; I’ve got a stack of beer books that’s taller than I am; I write notes on every beer I drink, most of them really poncy like ‘oh it’s got a delicious fruity quality and wonderful balance of nutty sweetness, with – oh that’s it – just the most delightful and delicate hints of elderflower’; I buy beers to be able drink them in 2-10 years time and I pay stupid amounts of money for the privilege; my fridge and my flat are filled with random bottles of beer from all over the world, some oak-aged, some whisky-barrel-aged, some with coffee in, some sour beers, some with killer levels of hops in, and some are so flipping rare they don’t even have labels!; I read ratebeer and beeradvocate forums every single day, usually more than once; and I write a bloody beer blog, you don’t get much geekier than that. So hearing that I’m not a hardcore beer geek is hurtful.

These rumours started in Burton. One rumour is that I drank a bottle of Desperados. Well, listen here, Desperados is like the quintessential craft beer: a 5.9% pale beer, extreme ingredient added (in this case it’s tequila), snappy and fun marketing aimed at the yoof, the appeal of serving it with a slice of lime. Hello – that sounds like half of the craft beers in the world and everyone needs a USP, whether it’s barrel-aging, fruit, chilli, tequila and lime, or whatever. Come on. The other rumour is that I drank C2, a low-alcohol incarnation of a popular brand known as ‘Carling’. Well guess what? I poured it out into a snifter. Hello – a bloody snifter! It was a really nice crystal one too and everyone knows that if you drink beer out of a snifter then you are a beer geek. Come on. The rumour-spreading losers are only jealous because they ordered some crappy cask ale and it wasn’t as delicious as my bottle of Desperados.

I am a proper, hardcore beer geek and I will bitch fight anyone who says otherwise. Plus, obviously, Desperados is the best beer in the whole, wide world. 

15 comments:

  1. So happy to see you use the word yoof. I'm a fan of 'meeja studees' too...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can vouch for the snifter. And to be fair, you didn't actually drink any C2. Did you?

    And any proper beer geek worth his salt knows that Fosters is the best beer in the world for over 30 years:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Desperados not withstanding, the cask beer in that pub was simply awful.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well done fella. More lout less pong and you'll go far.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I see. So what you're saying is, you're the Anakin Skywalker of Carling Black Label.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah soon to be Darth Dredge

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can't be the only one that wants to read a bitchin' FABPOW Carling C2 mash up. Give the people what they want !

    ReplyDelete
  8. Did you not have a pint of Blue Moon? With a slice of orange in it?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mark, I've seen you at 90% of the events I go to in London which certifies that this is shite. Where are these people at those events? At home, most likely.

    Hope you're in town on Thursday at Cask and Kitchen. Brewdog event.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Being an expert on the various types of beer geek, you more than qualify as an executive, beer geek/goon. I'm surprised giving your lady friend one has taken precedent over the nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mark, my degree in meeja arts means I'm in with the yoof.

    Ed, I drank a little but struggled to find the important addition of 'flavour'. The snifter was totally for show.

    Dave, they Had Castle Rock Harvest Pale on, did anyone have that? That's a nice beer. Not as good as Desperados though, of course!

    Cookie, a lout FABPOW, you say? I'll see what I can do.

    Scoop, yes I did have Blue Moon but the orange was pretty much removed before the pint hit the bar. Orange in a pint glass? We looked like a bunch of dicks with a massive glasses, cloudy beer, empty wallets (£3.90 a pint?!) and fruit.

    Thomas, they were a bunch of mean beer geek bullies, that's all you need to know.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Down" with the yoof, Mark - not "in". Unless, of course, "in" is this year's "down".

    Today's word verification: POWDENT

    ReplyDelete
  13. You're no beer geek! I saw you at a Festival in San Francisco. You were crying, tears streaming, WAH! "Doesn't anybody have a mild?" We shoved another hop-laden double IPA in your hand, called you names and shoved you back into the crowd.

    Beer geek? Hardly. And that snifter was made of plastic. Poser!

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. never heard the rumours, and don't really care. like other bloggers i'm interested in different thoughts on beer and insight from comments of users. In real life you could be a total prick, but I don't care as I enjoy your blog and ability to be inclusive to all beer drinkers. No justification of being a beer geek required here, as you attended SFBW in Feb.. where others just read your posts via their iphones.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I wish I was half the beer geek you are Mark! How about a campaign to get Desperados a Beer of the Year award? : P

    ReplyDelete