Sunday 17 May 2009

If I Were a Brewer...

…these are some of the fantasy beers that I’d want to brew.

A 4%ABV mild brewed with fresh cherries. Just because there aren’t enough 4% milds brewed with fresh cherries.

A 5%ABV oatmeal stout with a decently thick body, lots of chocolatey character and hopped with Santiam, Cascade, Crystal and a heck of a lot of Centennials. A chocolate orange bomb. I would also develop a 10%+ version of this.

A porter with peanut puree in, around 9%ABV, lots of toasty-bready-dark chocolate flavour and aged with fresh raspberries. Peanut butter, jam and chocolate sandwich in a glass. (And yes, I am aware of the Shorts Uber Goober beer which is similar to this and I really want to try it!)

Carrot cake beer. Somewhere between 6%-8%ABV, a malty base with lots of dried fruit sweetness (probably from the combo of pale malt and dark sugar), fresh carrot juice, some spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, clove), citrusy and earthy hops and fermented with a Belgian yeast.

A breakfast beer. Coffee oatmeal stout with blueberries, maple syrup and a smoky-savoury note from some smoked malts.

A quadruple-IPA. Super-strong and super-bitter (circa 15% and 150IBUs). Served with a teabag of more fresh hops in the glass for those who want even more bitterness (maybe I'd even develop a special dry-hop glass with a mesh compartment at the bottom to hold the hop bag).

A perfect lawnmower beer. 4%, best served ice cold and drunk from the bottle, a pale ale with plenty of sweet caramel and biscuity malt base and quenching citrusy-juicy hops. There should be so many of these beers around but I’ve yet to find one that I love.

I’d like to develop a mixing project quartet . They’d all be different (probably an IPA, stout, fruit beer and barley wine) called something exciting like 1, 2, 3 and 4 and the idea is that they're made to be mixed so that the drinker can create their own beers and experiment with mixing. For example, they might want to mix 1 and 4 to create a super hoppy barley wine, or maybe 2 and 3 to have a fruity stout. And if there were four beers to blend then there’s a lot of potential outcomes. Could be a fun and creative concept? And of course, the beers would work as single brews in their own right if the drinker didn't want to mix.

I’d perfectly combine Pliny the Elder and Ruination IPA to create Pliny the Ruinator!

As a homebrewer I would create perfect clones of some of my favourite beers so that I could drink them any time I liked. Or as a commercial brewer I'd want a regular range which included an IPA, a ‘house’ or best ale, a mild and a stout, with super-sized versions of all of them (for example, there'd be a 5% IPA and an 8% IPA, a 4% best ale and a 9% barley wine…), plus seasonals that include a Belgian-style ale, some barrel-aged experiments (including cherry brandy casks and calvados) and a fresh hop beer.

What would your fantasy (home)brewery make?

And if any brewery does any of these already then let me know. Or, if any breweries want to try these then go for it, just let me know when they are done so that I can try them!


  1. All the other beer bloggers are homebrewing now. What are you waiting for?

  2. "A 5%ABV oatmeal stout with a decently thick body, lots of chocolatey character and hopped with Santiam, Cascade, Crystal and a heck of a lot of Centennials. A chocolate orange bomb. I would also develop a 10%+ version of this."

    You lost me between 'chocolately character' and 'chocolate orange bomb' as I have no idea what beers you are talking about but I LOVE the idea of a chocolate orange beer bomb!!

  3. Liam, I actually brew, although I'm not terribly interested in recreating the wheel.

    Headed up to LA today to pick up my Englander Friend from Hastings. Our exploits will be fully documented.

  4. Barm, I should homebrew and I want to homebrew. I've been thinking about it for a while now and reading up about it. It's definitely something that I hope to do in the near future.

    Helen, the stuff between 'chocolaty character' and 'chocolate orange bomb' are the the bits which will add the orange and other fruitiness. Those magical hops.

    Wurst, I look forward to hearing about the mayhem you create and if your friend has any space in their bag then slide a couple of beers in there for me and I'll give them the money for it all, including postage, etc :D

  5. Yes, definitely time you started brewing.

    Cambride moonshine brewery do a chocolate orange stout and very good it is too.

    In my own brewing I'm working on a session bitter and premium bitter and I've currently got in stock some bottles of porter, stout, American IPA, Double IPA and some that are just a bit wierd.

  6. All the cool kids are doing it! What are you waiting for? Haha!

    Seriously though your ideas are along the lines of what I would someday like to do-- especially the cherry mild. I have so many blackberries by my house I was thinking I would do a blackberry stout first to give it a go.

    You've inspired me to make my own list now.

    You should open a US style brewpub and restaurant. It would be amazing.

  7. IM, I know all the cool kids are doing it, I don't know what's stopping me... It's payday soon so maybe I'll take a drive to a homebrew store!

    Blackberry stout would be great, I love the use of fruit in dark beers, so long as it isn't too overpowering! If you can find a vanilla tree near your house then that and blackberry would be really cool.

    And a US style brewpub is at the top of my list of 'things I want to do with my life'. The idea is to have a deli come beer store come bar with beery food and snacks, loads of bottles and kegs of beer, specialising in US and the best UK stuff and then develop it into a small brewpub. All I need to do is somehow find a huge pile of money!!

  8. I have had a homebrew kit for a couple of years now, I have been too busy and too lazy to use it more than once.

    Over the summer I want to try my hand at a Punk/U.S. style brew. Wurst if you have a recipe, it would be much appreciated!

  9. Carrot cake beer? Jaysus that sounds fantastic. Now if you could just make the head taste like the frosting.....